I know my friend

Yesterday I was talking to my friend about the choices we made in our lives. As per my friend sometimes we have to leave the things even we love them more than anything. My friend told me that sometimes you are surrounded by inevitable conditions, and that time it becomes necessary to move ahead to survive in this world. But my friend accepted the fact about void that is left inside, can’t be fulfilled by anything else. I don’t know, but I can feel the pain of my friend. I agree about the things that my friend had said, but I would like to tell my friend. The void that you felt inside, is not a void. That is created purposely to fill with new things because you need space to place them inside.

My dear friend, I know what you have been feeling inside,

I know how much you miss those things that have left behind,

I know you were never wrong, and you had to make some choices,

I know that choice was just a demand of time otherwise you would never have taken, and never had allowed yourself to unbind,

I know it must be too hard for you, same as locking yourself inside the dark room,

And you know that room is too dark even you can’t see yourself,

But that darkness is your need to conquer the darkness inside you,

That’s why you made a decision because you wanted to change the things those were due,

I know the whole story that have never been told by you,

But your silent footsteps and cold breath at each stop has explained everything,

Sometimes you feel betrayed by time and sometimes by your choices,

But trust me, my friend, time has never done anything wrong, has always shown us a new way,

Its way is different from our thoughts, and sometimes it ask you to give something in return, and then you have to pay,

I must say you are not alone my dear, we all have voids in our lives,

And we have to wait for the right time to fill them with something good,

I agree that waiting factor does not sound good, that makes us anxious and weird sometimes,

But I know my dear we all have capability to deal with ourselves, to make our song with new rhymes.

I still remember..

Today I had a great time, this city has some magic. First time when I came to Paris, things were quite weird, was not able to accommodate myself with different language and culture. But as I have said, there is something special about this place, with time everything has changed. Now I want to know more about this city because it doesn’t seem strange anymore.  Things are holding me here still not completely known but seem fine and I can connect myself with soul of this place.

I know still I am not yours, and haven’t adapted the things yet,

But I want to be yours and I promise that day will arrive soon,

When I will have the same breeze as you, and will share the same moon,

I still remember when I visited first time to see you, I lost myself somewhere,

Different notations were written on the streets in a different language,

I felt that everything was screaming at me and saying to go away,

And I was so scared because sometimes I didn’t know anything in your way and how to say,

I still remember even on a crowdie street I felt more alone than the empty one,

People seemed like a shadow, and I felt that everything was running beyond time,

Even I tried to catch that time, so called time lag defined by us but I flunked,

Unfortunately it appeared that my effort were good but that time was never mine,

 I still remember when I was looking for someone to explore more about you,

You didn’t help to find out; I travelled alone from one to another place with my tired eyes,

But I didn’t make any complain because I knew you didn’t want to share me with anyone,

You just wanted to have me, like no one prefer to have clouds they just want a clear sky,

Today the things has been changed, I am not strange anymore for you, and you are not for me,

Still I don’t understand you most of the time but I can feel the bond which we shares right now,

I can feel the love in your surroundings, in your unknown lanes and sometimes inside you,

Day by day as time passes, I feel more close to you and I don’t have any fear to move around you,

Now I would like to be with you, and want feel every single breathe of you, which I found today and that is true.  

Why

Late Sunday evening, when people are heading to their beds and assuming that they will have another good week, I am still trying to find out the meaning of some questions. But it is always good to have the question, because they will provide you a new direction to proceed further.

Sometimes I don’t know why the things seem so strange,

Why the darkness outside doesn’t scare me anymore,

Why the perturbation inside doesn’t belong to the outside world,

Why my heart want someone to knock my door,

Why the empty roads are pretending to be alone,

Why they are not genuine, as long as it’s their life,

No one will put any allegation on them if they already have chosen their home,

Why the silence of night has untold stories inside,

Why the day is not as strong to get them in front of everyone,

Why they consider them as their best friend,

Why your shadow appears as someone else, and you try hard even though things are not good on your part to comprehend,

Why your mind wants to stay awake, and want to frame everything in a new way,

Why are you waiting for few things, which may not be yours?

And if you believe that they are just yours, then you may have to say,

Sometimes it happens; several questions are nagging up there with a list of so many “why”,

But it’s better to keep them aside and move ahead to find more, and tell them goodbye.

Again from my diary pages

Last couple of days was chaotic, when you have to do lots of things and in between you got sick. Still I managed to do everything properly. Friday evening when I came back to home from the lab, I was looking for some important note. Luckily I found the information what I need but I also saw my old diary which was kept there with my old documents. Because of curiosity I opened it, I haven’t used this diary from a long time, I turned some pages and also read some of them. There was an interesting page, which I had written in April 2013. I moved towards my window, took a sip of coffee and prepared to pour myself into the pool of memories. First I read the starting part, and later I managed to read the whole page though it was long. I realized I had written every single description of that day, what I had felt, what I was going through at that time, everything was written so vividly. I was able to imagine two different worlds around me, one in which currently I am, and one from the past. I lived that day again; it’s anxiety, happiness, and sadness, everything in a single moment. It is nice sometimes to go over the memories and reminisced them again because it will give you idea about the change in your life, change in the surroundings, and how everything has been changed.

Don’t know what to say, but you are still very important my day,

That’s true, everything has changed now, and we moved so far,

And I know you are trapped somewhere in between my diary pages,

Still I feel the same for you as before, just the time has changed nothing else my falling star,

In the fragrance of old ink, I can feel your presence and height of our relation,

The way you acquired to support my grief and defined your life as mine,

I could never imagined myself to be at your place, to wait selflessly for something,

Which might belong to different world, and things are already left somewhere to have new sunshine,

I am thankful to you, things those suppose to be lost but you kept them alive,

Even I forgot about you; sometimes I left you as useless thing and afraid of getting back in our lives,

But you gave me a new vision to see the world and the changes have been made around,

I agree, have restrained you and never given you any place in real life rather than making you as a part of memories,

But whatever I do, not always a true reflection of me, my heart is still there with you and bound.