Don’t know

We all can see ourselves in this situation from time to time when we don’t know what we have to do? That kind of mind frame is completely annoying and stressing. When you feel lots of commotion inside, you want to resolve everything but you don’t know how. Today I am writing for this “Don’t know” condition, because I feel I am there.

Sometimes you don’t know, you want to smile or cry,

You don’t know that you should let the evening to go away,

Either you should let it in to give a try,

Sometimes you don’t know, where you should go,

Maybe then follow an endless street and give it a new thought,

Either you can stop somewhere, and think what you left, what you got?

Sometimes you don’t know, how to define the feelings,

Maybe then you can leave them and let them to find you,

Either you can still look for them, and try to find what is blue?

Sometimes you don’t know, how to change the color of this social structure,

Maybe then you can hide yourself inside the cave, no chance of facing anything,

Either just set yourself free and does the things what you want to bring,

Sometimes you don’t know, what you should pen down,

Maybe then allow yourself to explore randomly and think what you want?

Either you can start and try to feel alike when you moved into a new town,

Sometimes you don’t know, like me today what I want,

Maybe then I can leave this perturbation for tonight,

Either I can have a cup of tea, and give time to myself to think what is right?

Old pages

If I would say ideas are just resting on the mind floor, and I need to pick them and write. I think in that case it would be a palpable lie. Ideas come sometimes suddenly, and you never know when it might happen. This weekend when I was arranging the things in my room, I came across some pages. Those pages are very old, even I didn’t remember how they have reached so far. When I looked on them more profoundly I recognized the small patches of some incidents. I wonder so often why some things are so attached to us, and they can come so far along with you. Like today I am pondering about these old pages, still don’t know what kind of relation we share. But I know anyways there is something common between us, might be a story and we both are trying to find out that similarity.

How much are you known to me?

Dark encrypted words on you and yours yellow attire,

Feels like you are a golden crown embedded with the blue sapphire,

It seems sometimes those sapphires are just not yours, also encrypted deep in my heart,

Whatever you have, it’s not yours only also my part,

The smell you carry, yours fold and unfold sound,

Sometimes I feel I can’t move anywhere without you,

Because it seems we are on the same ground,

Sometimes I feel life is moving so fast,

What I have today, that won’t be a part of tomorrow anymore,

But I wonder how you carry everything, present, past and future, all the folders,

And you never do any complain, you carry them happily on your shoulders,

Sometimes you gave me a bit of surprise from your side,

When it comes to the matter of age, and your desire to live longer,

I got the impression that you might have something secret,

I never understood what it is either it was,

What have made you to take the darkness, why so engross?

I am leaving my search here, and rest is up to you,

But you can continue, as you prefer, as you do.

Few lines for my day

I got just few minutes before I head to bed. So here is the few lines for my big day.

I got some lessons from the life, you got too,

I won’t stop myself, you don’t have to stop too,

Some days are mine and some are on your part,

No matters what happens tomorrow,

I will always look for the new start,

I will free myself to fly along with the life,

I won’t look back and you need to do the same,

Even in the storms, I won’t leave its hands,

Then only I can create my own space in this world,

And I can see myself from everywhere, no matters wherever I stand.

Something is still there

Sometimes you get the inspiration to write something from the inside not as always from the outside. You realized several thoughts those were hidden somewhere now they are completely awake and ready to come out. Today I am looking for them and searching everywhere maybe they have something new. They want to let you know that there is a lot to do before you reach an end. Before that you need to find out the things and believe in a fact that something is still there.

I walked in the search of end,

But I always got a beginning for me,

I could not see it anywhere,

I realized the things are not yet finished,

Something is still there,

I left the imprints on my way,

I thought I would never come back,

But I was wrong as always,

I got them back as I survived another day,

I wondered, how? I never did anything for them,

Why are they still with me?

But nothing was clear,

And I got the same answer as usual,

Something is still there,

There was couple of divergence,

But nothing else to help you in the selection,

I chose the one what I felt,

I began with a new start,

Without any clue, without any remnants,

I decided to become their part,

I felt if they were unknown,

And if I wanted to be with them,

I have to be known,

But same as before there was no answer,

Just obscurity and gloomy night,

Deep silence without any light,

I was confused,

Why I was again and again on the same path,

What they meant?

Still no answer, just a deep sky

To fly as much high,

Covered with thick cloud layer,

And I realized the same,

Something is still there.

It seemed life was like a e

Maybe bored

I was working on the presentation for my PhD review since morning, and now I am bored. Yeah I know it’s very obvious, but I was wondering what does it means. I know I am not bored with the work, I love the work more than anything. Then what it is, it feels like I am bored, but with what? Thoughts are raving randomly, I am shuffling with the files, and my fingers are moving very slowly on the keyboard. Today I had spent whole day in the office, and normally it is not the case. My days are always meant for the laboratory. So maybe it is a kind of revenge from the office to fill my mind with these kinds of feelings so I can’t work. Whatever it is, but it is funny for now, bored feeling, intense desire to work again and my vague interpretation, I am really enjoying it.

Thoughts are staggering like a drunken night,

When you are in a dilemma to decide, what is right?

When it seems, it’s time to go back home but your mind wants to work more,

And voice is coming from inside and suggesting to take some rest,

How to schedule everything? When the deadlines are knocking at your door,

When a nap of 5 minutes at your work place seem like a crime,

What you should do when your computer screen light flickers,

Besides everything you need to still write and concentrate, because you are running out of time,

When you look again and again at the same page, and think too much,

Telling yourself to take a little break this won’t last long,

But somewhere, you know it might not be true,

Because maybe your heart then not listen to you and sings more song,

Maybe these random thoughts are just random,

Not at all related to any feeling of boredom,

Because I have to work, have to complete the deadlines,

I hope these bored feelings are not real otherwise they will get worse,

Just with time like a glass filled with old wine.

Faded colors

Like every day I finished the work in the evening and took the shuttle to come back home. It was raining today since morning. While coming back to home, I realized the window was completely covered with the small droplets of water. When I looked outside, I got the blurred image of everything. Yellow lights at the streets, green and red lights at the intersections, everything seemed faded. I felt that outside is losing its color and I can’t give it any color from inside, I felt helpless. Shuttle window was coming out as a barrier between the outside and inside world. Somehow at certain stages, our lives also lose its colors and lead to the phase of obscurity. When all the dreams seem faded no more life and no more fun. We need to always remember this situation is temporary, when I reached my stop and came out of the shuttle, I was again in the same world, without any barrier and illusion of fading colors.

Faded colors and illusion of another world,

When a glass window seems like a barrier between outside and inside,

Even being a free soul, you feel trapped and tied,

Intense crave to be there, to hold the fading thoughts,

Guilt of not being capable to make the balance,

Helpless, restless, loaded with the vague imagination,

Even this will end soon, ordeal will not be last long,

But the heart is bounded with the outside in a close relation,

But once you cross the barrier and back to the world again,

You will feel the warmth of someone’s presence even on an empty lane,

Remember today, nothing is faded neither inside or outside,

It’s just a matter of time, and shadow of its unresolved puzzle,

But you need to come out, and give up all your fear,

Then only you will be able to see all real colors, without any illusion my dear.