How do you feel about getting a year older? My answer was always same, neither have I felt too excited about this nor regretful. It’s so evident, we get older every day. At the end of the day, I always perceive the concept of losing another day of my life, and I ask myself, what did I plan before and did I achieve something? I always found so many questions to ask and to many realms to explore. For me this day what we call “Birthday” is nothing special, it always made me think a lot. Since last few years, I have considered this day for my evaluation. How I confronted the things to mold them according to the given task, how have I overcome my emotions, how many times I flunked? There are so many questions like this which I have jotted down and given them full prerogatives to impart any kind of judgment.
At the same time, I also try to remember the beautiful moments I had previously. But I never made an attempt to cross the line of self-emotions. I didn’t remember, but as in harmony with current demand and what I have learned from the close ones, a long meditation on the emotions does not worth at all because it will always be like a storm that can’t be avoided and also can’t be considered to keep among ourselves. I have seen on several occasions, your emotions are just a reflection of your weakness for others even for them too whom you presume your part. I agree though sometimes your emotions also help you to make a right choice and strengthen yourself.
That’s the reason I took a long walk tonight around the city where I live. I walked on the small streets where I have never been since last two years. Sometimes in the darkness I felt afraid, I felt the solitude around me and felt the need of having someone. I wished that could be nice to walk along with your dreams on your side. Those were the questions, arisen from the emotional side of the personality. But as I walked more, I felt more strength. I felt the freeness around the spirit and getting rid of these emotions. I got back to the concept of evaluation. I started to think about the changes I made to color my dreams. I began to think where I have lacked, what I have missed and where I still need to move ahead?
The entire walk was so long, I was completely tired at the end and feeling warm though it was a cold fall evening. I got back to home with an undefined smile on a face and with some hidden tears. Still, there are questions those are left unsaid, and I wish I could find an answer for them one day. But for the moment I know where I need to direct myself, what I need to add later to my journey with time. Anyways, I also wanted to wish myself “Happy Birthday,” and hope that one day I would also feel special as others for this day.
Not too many words today to frame them in the form of poetry, but just a few lines for me.
As I grew with time, I lost the meaning of this day in the midst,
Midst of relations where the things are only virtual and demanding,
Emotions indicate weakness for others, neither strength to support the drive,
I just saw the adaptation of everything which can help to survive,
But I don’t want to become like others, I wish to have life as mine,
Where I can walk without any perturbations and fear,
And I can find the real reason of being alive, what I could only define.
No comments:
Post a Comment